Sexual Assault Awareness Month
This is a hard and complicated time to write about sexual assault, with everything that has come out about the Epstein files and CNN's investigative report on "rape academies." No victim or survivor would call what we're seeing in these cases justice. We aren't even seeing an attempt at it. I have experienced this myself, and I have worked with survivors of sexual assault for many years. I have seen little justice in court, though I have seen karma catch up with many offenders.
Our society has real problems with how we teach about sexuality, how we avoid talking about it, and how we judge it. First and foremost, this is about consent and understanding what consent means. A newer way of teaching consent says that instead of looking for the absence of "no," look for the presence of "yes." Asking, suggesting or trying again and again over one evening is coercion, and coercion is not consent.
Offenders rely on the shame and guilt victims feel. They know how rarely rapes are reported for exactly that reason. Our courts too often put the victim's character on trial, so the system meant to address this crime retraumatizes the people it harmed.
The wider community adds to the shame by blaming victims who "didn't report." Many people don't understand that this crime is one of the deepest violations a person can suffer, affecting body, mind and soul. I hear what offenders have done every day in my work. It doesn't fit ordinary human understanding, because it makes no sense.
My hope is that survivors can begin to heal and get the therapy they need after that kind of violation. I also hope that, as a society, we make clear that forcing anyone to do anything against their will is not acceptable, not okay, and illegal.
If this has happened to you, please reach out to a therapist who works with survivors of sexual assault. You can request an appointment with us, or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.